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In your 20s and 30s, sex is often more about the man.

You might be most physically attractive then, but many women are riddled with insecurities about their appearance and where they are going in life.

More importantly, how do they learn how to learn about sex? And, right from the start, many of us are giving messages that sex is not a safe topic. It may be a four-year-old saying they want to marry the neighbor lady.

But, in reality, we give about a million messages that this isn’t true without even realizing it. Our body language, tone of voice, rhythm of speech, mannerisms and emotional state give a child a strong indication of whether or not a subject matter is safe. Problem 2: Nervous Reactions We get anxious when we see our children touch their own bodies. We gasp and flutter and stumble around and tell them to stop immediately or say something like, “Put that away! Visions of angry school marms with rulers or hairy palms or crazy sex starved maniacs in back alleys come to mind, and we just can’t deal. The truth is that none of those things have anything to do with what they are doing, which is simply self-exploration. When they are older, they will do it behind closed doors. It may be a three-year-old asking if the lady at the grocery store has a penis.

But this time I was struck by an unsettling feeling.